Mer (dragonsnow) wrote in futuremommies,

Questions About Baby Books, and "When Are You Having A Baby?"

Hello everyone!

It's been a while since I've seen a post here, so I thought that I'd use some recent experiences to get a conversation going. :-)

Firstly, last week I went ahead and purchased 3 pregnancy books on amazon: The Mayo Clinic Guide; The Mother of All Pregnancy Books; and The Expectant Father (for my hubby, obviously). Hubby thought that I was insane, as we will not be TTC until December of this year, but I figure the better prepared I am ahead of time, the happier and healthier my pregnancy should be. (Barring those unforseen things that I can't control.) Also, I know that The Mother of All Pregnancy Books at least, and maybe the Mayo Clinic guide, have advice for pre-conception, which may come in useful this fall.

Anyone else who plans on TTC this fall/winter/early next year, already prepping with books or such? If so, what are you doing/have you bought, and what do you think so far?

Secondly, on Sunday we went to visit my husband's grandmother and great-aunts in New Jersey, and one of the great-aunts actually rubbed my belly and said, "No baby yet?" !!!!! All three of them kept asking us when we're going to have a baby. I feel like saying to them, and to everyone else who keeps asking us, "None of your damn business, and why do you care so much???" But what we keep saying is that we can't really take care of a baby while hubby is still in school. (He will be a third-year law student this fall.) How is everyone else coping with this? This also started to worry me that when I am obviously very pregnant, that everyone will touch my belly, probably without asking me if they may do so first. Anyone else thinking about that already?
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I don't have a lot of people who are that pushy in my family, but I know that even strangers think it's OK to molest a pregnant belly.

I plan to use Miss Manners' technique: When poked or patted by someone who didn't ask, double over and scream as if in horrible pain. Hopefully that cures them of that inexcusable rudeness. :)

Anyone who asks me about my baby plans gets a "That's none of your business", and I don't bother with being polite about it. They didn't care to be polite by not asking, so I won't bother to be polite in my response.

As for trying to conceive, I've been reading for years so I'm not doing anything special, just have plans to get off the pill and get my usual annual checkup. Then, anchors aweigh! ;)
LOL at the "Double over and scream as if in horrible pain!" I love it! A friend of mine suggested that I go ahead and rub the person's head or belly right back.

It amazes me how many people think that it is perfectly fine to ask me and my husband about our baby plans. What if one of us couldn't have children and we didn't want to adopt? Or if we did not want children??? Oy.
I believe it was also Miss Manners that suggested one respond to invasive questions about one's reproductive plans by producing tears and saying mistily, "I'd rather not discuss it..." as if you are infertile. Which you could be, for all they know! Gah, I don't get people sometimes at all.

But Miss Manners is so excellent. ;)
She really is!
I got pregnant recently, and found a site that has shirts with sayings such as "no rubby the belly" or something similar, in hopes of getting people to keep their distance. Maybe that will work for you when the time comes?

As with the relatives, they care so much because they're getting older, and because for most people, baby is the next step after marriage. ;) I also got a recommendation for GREAT expectations. I haven't started reading it too much yet. The Expectant Father is also one that was highly recommended to me. :)
That's funny, I asked a graphics designer friend of mine to design a t-shirt for me with a silhouette of a pregnant woman punching a person who is touching her belly for me next year. ;)

I totally get that the relatives are getting older and would like to see us carry on the family line or whatever, but they do know that my husband is in school right now and that we are neither of us in a position at the moment to take care of a baby. I just wish they'd be a little, you know, sensitive about asking. Like I said above, what if it was a matter of us not being able to conceive?
Very true. People push a baby that's not theirs because after oohing and aahing over it, they don't have to feed it, change it, or support it. All they see is the adorable little one.

Besides, look at it this way: people are going to ask you personal/intimate questions and judging everything you do for the rest of your life with kids, and this is just getting you prepared for it. "Have you thought about names?" "Are you going to find out what it is?" "Are you going to breastfeed?" "What about vaccinations?" And mine doesn't even come close to resembling a kid yet! Sometimes it's just easier to let it go than get upset, you know? But, I know where you're coming from, and it's doesn't make their behavior any more appropriate or less annoying. :)

And if you do make those shirts, I may ask if I can buy one, especially if #2 comes at a good time. :)
Of course you can have one of my t-shirts!!!

My mother told me that the only people who are allowed to get personal when it comes to baby/child questions are my husband (obviously), my doctor (duh), her, and the other grandmother because they are also mommies and the grandmothers-to-be. Everyone else, she said, I can feel free to just smile politely at them until they go away!

I love your icon, by the way!
Thank you! If you ever want to make one for yourself, the link is on my entries page, under the link list as 'pregnancy ticker icons'. :)
Awesome, thanks!
I don't check this journal very often, hence the late comment. :)

We have somewhat the opposite situation going on... because we already have two kids, and one of each sex, everyone assumes that, therefore, we are "done" and have absolutely no desire to have more children. I've even had people ask me for my maternity clothes, baby clothes, baby toys, and so on!

The books I love that I'll refer to again (and again, and again)... The Natural Pregnancy Book (Aviva Jill Romm), Having a Baby, Naturally (Peggy O'Mara), Childbirth Without Fear (Grantly Dick-Read)...

The thing I am really investigating more this time is exercise. I have looked through a number of books but don't have a 'favorite' - yet.